English - Only in Malaysia

By LYNNE MCGREADY

Allow me to begin this article by defining the word “mistake.”

Mistake - “An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness.”

Language “mistakes” in Malaysia, and their causes, have distressed me during my eight years in this wonderful country.

Let’s evaluate the “causes” of these language mistakes, shall we?

Are these errors due to “defective judgment”.I think not! Are we, in this country, “deficient” in our knowledge? I can hear a resounding “NO!” from Malaysians all around the world. Well, then this leaves “carelessness” as the cause. Ah, now there is a “kind of hush, all over the world, tonight” ... But I digress.

I have made a list of words and expressions common to Malaysians. Sometimes, I’m not sure whether I should work myself to death to try and change these mistakes or simply start using them myself. I believe their use has become habitual.

I know that many a Malaysian language “guru” has taken up the gauntlet against these expressions and errors. I am simply encouraging them to persevere until a change is finally made.

Follow you home. My first encounter with this expression was in a small town in Perak. My host wanted to tell me that she was going to drive me back to my hotel. Instead, she said: “Lynne, don’t worry I will follow you back to the hotel.” Had our plans changed? Was I going with someone else? Would she be following us in her car? I asked: “Our plans seem to have changed. Who will I be going with?” I was reassured that our plans remained unchanged and I did not pursue the use of expression, (after all she was being kind enough to drive me around her hometown.)

However, eight years since this incident, I am still being “followed home” or “followed to the airport” or “followed to work” in the same car!

Send you back. A very similar experience, but this confused me even more the first time I heard it. This time I thought “not only are my staff going to ‘send’ me with someone else, but we are also going ‘back’ – but back to where? Was I going back to Australia, my apartment, back in time?” I had no idea, until someone explained that “back” meant, “Home of course!” (The face was reading, “Idiot Mat Salleh!”). Got it! So the word “back” in Malaysia means home, right?

Borrow me some money. Admittedly, a few people have “borrowed me” a few ringgit to buy a drink or lunch in the food court. However, wouldn’t they have preferred to just “loan” me the money? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, can we please either: Lend people money e.g. “Ki, can you lend me RM5 please? I will pay you back tomorrow.” “No way, Lynne! You still owe me RM1 from last month.” Borrow money from people e.g. “Ki, may I borrow RM5 please? I will pay you back tomorrow.” “Sure. I can lend you RM10. I am feeling rich at the moment.”

Bring and take. (Let’s not forget “took”). I once had a conversation that went a little like this: “Lynne, if we go to the meeting this Friday, let’s bring our laptop.”

The sentence structure is wrong. When you are looking at or viewing the movement of something from the point of its arrival, use “bring.” e.g. When you visit my home this weekend, please don’t bring me chocolates. When we are looking at or viewing the movement of something from the point of departure, use “take.”e.g. Whenever I go to the Dewan Philharmonic, I must take my shawl. It can get very cold inside the hall.

Open and close the lights. I do understand the issue of language interference. For example, in Malay we say “buka lampu” and “tutup lampu” so a direct translation would be “open and close the light.” However, if we know that it’s not the same in English, shouldn’t we try and make the change? I think we should.

Last time, Kuala Lumpur was such fun. “It still is!” I respond, but what is this “last time” you’re referring to? The 1950s, 60s or the 70s? Let’s be more specific with the last times we are referring to.

“We want to spend you lunch.” Thank you! I would love to have lunch with you and you can spend your money to buy the lunch this time, but please don’t spend me. We spend money, not people. Besides, why would you pay for lunch with something as priceless as me?

“Do you take beef, Lynne?” “I’m sorry? Take it where? The zoo, perhaps?” Well, yes I do like to eat the occasional steak when I can, but I’ll eat it right here at the table, thanks.

“See first.” My first encounter with this expression caused my head to spin and I mean literally. I was in a meeting with my team and I asked one of them if they would like to lead a particular project. Her response was “See first”. I turned around to look and there was nothing or no one there! Well, perhaps, you wanted to think about it, dear friend, but please don’t wait too long, okay? Meanwhile, I’m changing my glasses so I can see first better.

In conclusion, I know that there are many books about the common mistakes made by Malaysians in speaking English. I have also often asked myself if I am being too pedantic about the incorrect use of “follow” being a standard in Malaysian conversation.

However, my fear is that many teachers not only continue to ignore these errors, but also inject them into their students, meaning there will always have to be folks like me writing long articles to tell them “not to say that.”

We all know every country has its own local expressions and slang for English conversation. Coming from Australia, I know this all too well.

However, I feel it’s also essential to know the difference between local and common English usage, or we risk not being understood or taken seriously by our foreign counterparts. In short, shouldn’t we keep our P’s and Q’s for international conferences, and save our wah’s and lah’s for the coffee shops? See first, and let me know ah.

English - A fine balance

BALANCE pervades our everyday lives. Commerce is driven by a balance of supply and demand. What if population growth outstrips food supply, as in a Malthusian future? There should at least be a balance, the amount of food produced being always sufficient to feed a growing population.

Demographers foresee problems when the male and female numbers in a population depart significantly from an approximate one-to-one ratio. The prudent running of an organisation depends on a check-and-balance strategy. In the environment, ecological disasters ensue when the balance of nature is upset.

In English, we may also talk about balance — specifically, balanced constructions. Another term for it is parallelism. For good English style, ideas expressing parallel meanings are put in parallel grammatical forms – to make for ease in reading and to provide clarity and rhythm. Parallel elements regularly appear in lists or series, in compound and complex sentences, and in situations involving comparison or contrast (Harbrace College Handbook, 1998).

Let me illustrate with some examples.

Either … or: The word either may be used on its own as a determiner (either door will lead out into the garden) or as a pronoun (either of the books is good reading). However, when two alternatives are specified, the word either is paired with the word or to introduce the first and the second alternatives respectively.

“It is important that either and or are correctly placed so that the structures following each word balance and mirror each other” (Concise Oxford English Dictionary, 2004). Consider the following example: “She either left the book in the hall or in the kitchen”, which is not balanced – the structure following the word either and that following the word or are of different forms. The corrected sentence would read: “She left the book either in the hall or in the kitchen”, or “She left the book in either the hall or the kitchen”.

Neither … nor: When neither (the negative of either) is used in a paired construction, the other member of the pair is nor – NOT or as is sometimes encountered (neither he or she is going to the concert). The same considerations for either … or as noted above apply to neither … nor. It is important in good English style that the words or expressions following these words have the same grammatical form (he could neither smile nor speak – rather than he neither could smile nor speak).

Not only … but also: As with the examples above, the expression following not only and that following but also should have the same grammatical structure (the arowana as a game fish is known not only for its beautiful sheen but also for its fighting quality.) Alternatively, the sentence could be re-constructed thus: the arowana as a game fish is known for not only its beautiful sheen but also its fighting quality – BUT NOT the arowana as a game fish is not only known for its beautiful sheen but also its fighting quality.

Whether … or: Consider the sentence: “He has not decided whether to go to Seremban or to spend his holiday at home.” It follows the “rule” of a balanced construction. Now consider a variation of the sentence: “He has not decided whether to go to Seremban or not (to go to Seremban)” – which is also a balanced construction. How­ever, when the second expression, “or not”, is the negative of the first expression, it is not necessary to provide the “balance”. Thus, it is enough to write: “He has not decided whether to go to Seremban.” (Note, however, that the alternative expression, “or not”, is retained for emphasis when the sentence begins with the subordinate clause: “Whether you like it OR NOT, you have to stay in tonight.”)

Parallel construction: While the above examples balance two entities, parallel constructions entail the balancing of more than two entities. Consider the sentence: “To be considered good at a language, a person must be proficient in all the four skill areas – speaking, listening, reading, and writing.” The sentence if changed to “… the four skill areas – speech, listening, reading, and writing” still conveys the same sense but is now not balanced – the word speech is out of place among the gerunds listening, reading, and writing.

I have another example – a notice from a local newspaper – pertaining to the requirements for placing an obituary advertisement. (No, I’m not being morbid. I choose this example as a good one to illustrate my point.) The notice reads as follows: “For the placement of death announcements, the following must be produced: 1. Photo­copy of death certificate. 2. Identity card of person placing the advertisement. 3. All obituary ads must be prepaid. 4. Those placing announcements on behalf of the deceased’s family, an authorisation letter must be produced.”

The said notice is a poor example of parallel construction – Item 1 is a phrase; Item 2 is also a phrase, in keeping with Item 1; Item 3 is a complete sentence, and therefore out of step; and Item 4 is also another sentence, even though ungrammatically constructed.

Parting note: Hopefully I have made my point about balanced constructions. I have compiled from our local newspapers a rather large list of examples of unbalanced constructions. I now leave some of the examples for readers to chew on.

1. “The (Penang Botanical) Gardens had neither lost its shine nor its charm.”

2. “The largest known flower in the world is that of Rafflesia keithii with a diameter of up to 1m and weighing up to 9kg.”

3. “… people whom he has entrusted the job of promoting and improving the sports are incapable of brilliance, unworthy of his trust and inefficient.”

4. “… previous attempts to explain the concept of carbon trading and how it may be used as a first step in the battle against global warming.”

5. ”Azizan did not reveal the exco member’s name or his whereabouts and if he was away on official duties.”

6. “… Julia not only had torn two major ligaments but also the meniscus.”

7. “… towards the progress of George Town specifically, and the state of Penang in general.”

8. “The device … doesn’t only function as a conventional hearing aid but also can be used to mask unpleasant sounds ….”

- THE STAR

English - Call of nature

By GRANT BARRETT
Editorial director of Wordnik
http://www.wordnik.com

Bodily functions are a rich source of English slang, so naturally, we have a lot of ways of saying “urinate,” “defecate” and “go somewhere to urinate and/or defecate.” Here’s a quick rundown of appropriate usage.

Freshen up. This can mean anything from “wash one’s face and hands,” to “fix one’s make-up,” to “straighten, retuck, refasten, or smooth one’s clothing.” It covers all the things one is likely to do in a bathroom or WC. Safe to use by anyone anywhere, though perhaps it’s a bit more likely to be used by or to a woman.

Visit the facilities. Same story: vague enough to cover anything that happens in a room where there is a toilet and a sink. Safe for all people and places. You might say, “I need to visit the facilities. Where would I find them?”

Powder one’s nose. Strictly for women, this one explicitly refers to make-up, yet it is widely used even by women who don’t use makeup. It’s a cover-up! Can be used anywhere to cover any purpose in the little room with the porcelain fixtures.

Go to the bathroom covers both visiting the little room as well as the acts of urination and defecation themselves. Though it is less polite and less vague than the expressions above, it is safe to use in front of almost anyone, though it’s far more likely to be heard in North America. In the UK, go to the WC is similarly used. (Americans understand “WC” but they don’t use it much.)

Use the toilet has pretty much the same usage, though for many Americans, toilet refers specifically to the white, water-filled porcelain seat that you sit upon in a bathroom and not to the room itself. If you say, “I need to go to the toilet,” they think of you doing certain bodily acts and not just of you going to a specific room.

Make water. Sufficiently euphemistic that it can be used in a non-giggly way by patients and doctors when discussing the body. No one will be embarrassed by too much detail, and yet it’s less formal and less clinical than a word like “urinate” or, worse, micturate, a synonym. It’s not much used elsewhere in everyday colloquial English.

Go to the little girls’ or little boys’ room. Used by adults talking to children but also used by adults talking among themselves and not often in a joking way. Adults probably remember it being used by their elementary school teachers, who are masters at finding ways to talk about the bathroom so that mobs of children don’t giggle.

Go number 1 or number 2, to urinate or defecate. This is also part of the language of teachers, parents, and children. Children might say to a teacher, “I need to go number 2.” Then the teacher knows how long the child should be out of the classroom and whether or not to come along.

Use the potty or go potty means to visit the bathroom or to urinate or defecate. This is language used when talking to children or in the presence of children. Similar terms are take a pee-pee or poo-poo, go pee-pee or poo-poo, or, for urination only, go wee-wee (British and American), to tinkle (British and American), to widdle (British), and to piddle (British).

Plain old go pee and go poop (without the second syllable repeated) are fine to use around children and are used among family members or close friends of any age.

See a man about a horse is an adult way of saying, “go to the bathroom,” as in, “I need to see a man about a horse and then we can hit the road” (I need to urinate and then we can leave). The expression is so widely used that there’s not much strength left in its euphemism.

Evacuate one’s bowels. An inoffensive but not altogether euphemistic term typical of the sort used by medical professionals and police when making formal descriptions. There’s usually a notion that the bowel evacuation was not intentional, as might happen during a car accident or in the case of diarrhoea. It is rather crude and not to be used to excuse yourself during a meal, when traveling with family, or even when partying with friends. If you said, “Excuse me, this is a fine meal, but I need to go evacuate my bowels,” it would bring unpleasant associations to mind.

Take a piss. To urinate. This is crude and mainly used by and among men. Not a good one for polite company, nor is take a dump, which means to defecate. The British take or take a slash (urinate) has the same kind of usage: it’s used mainly among men and boys.

Similarly, take a leak and drain the lizard aren’t really all that polite and not likely to be used by or among women except in a joking way. Only slightly more polite is take or go for a wizz, also spelled wiz, whiz, and wazz.

English - Rise to the occasion

When the teacher enters the classroom, is it correct for the monitor to say “rise up class, good morning Miss Wong”?

2. Are these sentences grammatically correct? a) For many days, he neither slept nor ate until he found a solution to the position and b) He had painted many pictures of the landscape, but he did not take much pride in them.

3. Is the sentence below grammatically correct? For the subject of Chemistry, we are yet to be informed of what is going to be tested.

4. What are the differences between “something” and “some thing”?

5. Is it correct to say “ Every 120 day, the man will come to the island.”

– Isaac

No. “Rise” in that context should not be used with “up”. “To rise up against” means “to rebel against”. “Rise”, on the other hand, means “get up from a lying, sitting or kneeling position” (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary). The monitor should say: “Class, rise! Good morning, Miss Wong.”

2. Yes, they are both grammatically correct, but the word “position” in sentence a) should be changed to “problem”. We find solutions to problems, not to positions.

3. The phrase at the beginning of the sentence sounds rather awkward. Too many words are used, when only “in Chemistry” will do, and this phrase would sound better at the end of the sentence, which would then read: “We are yet to be informed of what is going to be tested in Chemistry.”

4. “Some” as a determiner is only used before an uncountable or plural noun. “Thing” is a singular noun, so, we don’t say “some thing”, but we can say “some things”. “Something” is a pronoun meaning primarily “a thing that is not known or mentioned by name” (OALD). There are other meanings of “something” but I won’t go into those here.

5. No. You need to use the plural form of “day”. The sentence would then read: “Every 120 days, the man will come to the island.”

Fewer words

Why is it that sometimes, an -ing must be added to the the first word in a question, but at other times this is not necessary?

For example:

(1) Wearing a T-shirt, Jenny walks to work.

(2) Put simply, he just wasn’t good enough.

– Senny Ng

First of all, sentences 1 & 2 are not questions. They are statements.

The –ing verb “wearing” at the beginning of sentence 1 is the present participle of “wear”, and part of the present participle clause “Wearing a T-shirt” which describes what Jenny wears when she walks to work.

The verb “put” at the beginning of sentence 2 is the past participle (not the base form) of “put”, and part of the past participle clause “Put simply” which describes the second part of the sentence, i.e. “he just wasn’t good enough.”

Participle clauses of both kinds (present and past) are often used in writing as “short cuts”, to use fewer words than other clauses. For example, sentences 1 and 2 would need more words if they don’t use participle clauses:

1a. Jenny wears a T-shirt when she walks to work. (“when she walks to work” is an adverbial clause of time)

2a. To put it simply, he just wasn’t good enough. (“To put it simply” is an infinitive clause)

Past tense OK

I refer to The Star’s report on June 10 titled “More brickbats than bouquets: Many object to making English a ‘must pass’ SPM subject”. There was a sentence that read “He said he was also shocked to learn that national schools no longer taught English grammar”. Is this correct?

– Ahmad Masyhur

Yes, the sentence you quoted is grammatically correct, because it is in reported speech and the reporting verb, “said” is in the past tense. So the verbs that follow, i.e. “was ... shocked” and “taught” should also be in the past tense.

One or two days

I refer to the answers given in Mind Our English on June 18 concerning the right tense in the conversion from direct to indirect speech. Shouldn’t an adjective or adverb expressing nearness be changed into one expressing distance?

Hence, shouldn’t the sentence “Tom said he had been singing last night” be “Tom said he had been singing the previous night or the night before”?

– Kengt

Thank you for pointing this out. I was concentrating on the tense of the indirect speech that the reader asked about. Regarding the point you raised, if the statement “I was singing last night,” is reported on the same day that Tom made it, there is no need to change “last night” to “the previous night” or “the night before”, because “last night” to Tom would still be “last night” to the person reporting his statement.

However, if the statement is reported on a day after Tom made the statement, “the previous night” or “the night before” should be used, because Tom’s “last night” would not be “last night” to the person reporting his statement.

- THE STAR

English - None was or were?

By FADZILLAH AMIN

Which is the correct answer for each of the sentences below? Can you explain why?

a) Don’t drink the water unless it (is boiled/was boiled).

b) None of the men (was/were) there.

c) When the firemen arrived at the scene, the shophouses (were/had been) burned to the ground.

d) The train to Kuala Lumpur (arrives/is arriving) in half an hour.

e) Nothing but rain and clouds (is/are) in the sky.

f) He washes his hands prior to (serve/serving) his customers.

– Seng Kong



a) The correct sentence is “Don’t drink the water unless it is boiled.”

Here, “boiled”, the past participle form of “boil”, is actually an adjective and indicates the state of the water. So it is used with the simple present tense verb “is”, and the sentence has a similar form to “Don’t drink the water unless it is clean.”, for example.

You can also use “boiled” before the noun, as in “boiled water”.

If you want to use “boiled” as part of a verb in your sentence, you could use the present perfect passive tense, as in “Don’t drink the water unless it has been boiled.”, which doesn’t indicate when it was boiled.

You can also use the past tense passive “was boiled”, but you’ll have to indicate a time, e.g. “Don’t drink the water unless it was boiled less than 24 hours ago.”

b) In British English, you use a singular verb in “None of the men was there.” in a formal style, and a plural verb “None of the men were there.” in an informal style.

If “none of” is followed by an uncountable noun, a singular verb is used, e.g. in “None of the fear was left in her.”

c) The correct sentence is “When the firemen arrived at the scene, the shophouses had been burned to the ground.”

The past perfect tense “had been burned” (here it is in the passive form) is used to indicate a time before another past time, i.e “ When the firemen arrived ...” The simple past tense “were burned” (also in the passive form here) is not used.

“Burned”, by the way, is the American English spelling for the British English “burnt”.

d) Both are correct. You can use the simple present tense or the present continuous tense to talk about a future event that is part of a timetable.

e) The correct sentence is: “Nothing but rain and clouds are in the sky.”

If the subject is a phrase consisting of “nothing but” followed by a noun, the verb agrees with the noun. If “nothing but” is followed by two nouns, whether of the same kind or not, a plural verb is used. In other words, “nothing but” noun phrases follow the usual rules of subject-verb agreement.

In your sentence, there are two nouns after “nothing but” — “rain”, an uncountable noun, and “clouds”, a plural noun. The verb is therefore plural. But let me give examples of some of the possible variations in subject-verb agreement:

i. Nothing but rain is in the sky. (“rain” is an uncountable noun)

ii. Nothing but an aeroplane is seen flying under the clear blue sky. (“aeroplane” is a singular noun)

iii. Nothing but rain and lightning are seen during the storm. (“rain” and “lightning” are both uncountable nouns)

iv. Nothing but an aeroplane and a large bird are seen flying under the clear blue sky. (“aeroplane” and “bird” are both singular countable nouns)

v. Nothing but clouds are seen in the sky. (“clouds” is a plural noun)

f) “He washes his hands prior to serving his customers.” is the correct sentence.

What comes after “prior to” (which means “before”) is a noun or a gerund (an –ing verb acting like a noun) and “serving” here is a gerund.

You can replace the gerund with a noun, in a sentence like “He washes his hands prior to a meal.”

Which floor?

1. WHAT is the difference between “the bank is opened” and “the bank is open”?

2. Do we say “ground floor” or “first floor” in Malaysia?

– Ahmad Nafis



1. “The bank is opened” is ungrammatical. But when a new bank has started operations for the first time, we can say, for example, “The bank was opened to the public at 9.30am yesterday.”

But when we say “the bank is open”, we mean that customers can come into the bank at that time. For example, we can say: “The bank is open from 9.30am to 4pm.”

“Open” is an adjective, but “was opened” is a past passive verb.

2. It depends on whether you are using British English or American English. In British English, a multi-storey building starts with the “ground floor” at ground level. In American English, such a floor is called the “first floor”.

Since some Malaysians use British English and some American English, it is hard to make a general statement about all Malaysians.

New tie style

I FOUND this at the Kepong Carrefour hypermarket while shopping for a tie for my brother.

Are there any other spelling errors?

– Shiaou Jern Syee

“TAI” should be spelt “TIE”; “ASST.” is a strange abbreviation for “assorted”, because it is the usual one for “assistant”; and “colour” should be in the plural after “assorted” to make the phrase “assorted colours”.

“NP” should mean “normal price”.

American quirk

I THINK “the Brit-Yank divide”, as Dr Lim Chin Lam calls it in one of his columns, provides spice and variety to the English language and is not a bad thing.

There is, however, at least one American habit which I find hard to get used to. A British English speaker would say, “I am a fastidious person but, as far as food is concerned, I am indifferent.”

An American English speaker is more likely to say, “I am a fastidious person but, as far as food, I am indifferent.” The latter drops “is concerned”. Am I alone in feeling distressed over this American quirk?

– I. Ho

I am sorry, but I haven’t heard this particular American quirk. Would readers who have heard this like to comment on their reactions?

Was to have taken

PLEASE check the sentence below to see if there is anything wrong:

The Form Five student of SM Sulaiman was to have taken her SPM examinations this year.

The use of the present perfect (passive) to refer to a future event in this case is quite confusing. Please enlighten me on this.

– Sun BM

The sentence does not use the present perfect passive, but the present perfect infinitive (“to have taken”). This tense when used after “was/were” is meant to say that a planned future event (in this case, the student taking her SPM examinations) would not take place.

Similar structures can be seen in the following extracts from the Internet: “ROYLE Family star Caroline Aherne has walked out on her new sitcom ... she was to have taken on a directorial role. Now the entire project is in doubt.” (http://www.citylife.co.uk/comedy/news/6868_caroline_quits_new_sitcom)

“It seems that Motorola’s handset division is too sick to spin off, and amid heavy losses and a bleak outlook for the phone market in 2009, the company has decided to postpone the plan to separate its devices operation, which was to have taken place in the third quarter of next year.” (http://www.rethink-wireless.com/index.asp?article_id=685&keywords=Texas20Instruments)

English - Line up the little words

LINE – “a long thin mark on the surface of something” (CIDE) – is capable of stretching itself, beyond linear style, to combine with ‘little words’ (whose use can become problematic) to perform linguistic stunts both literal and literary.

Apart from what results in partnership with the little words, as a stand-alone the word lends itself to multiple meanings when variously used. The guide words in any good dictionary will indicate this.

Here is an exercise that requires you only to put in place those little words that help to keep each sentence in line with its intended meaning. (Repeat use of the little words is allowed).

1. You guessed it, dear Editor. This activity sprang to mind when I heard the announcement of the new cabinet line-___.

2. Everyone knew that Najib was ___ ___ line ___ replace Pak Lah as the sixth prime minister of the country.

3. ___ line ___ the company’s policy, you are required to attend all meetings.

4. The choice of Jamal as a credible witness is crucial as he is our last line ___ defence in this case.

5. Angie is super-efficient but she tends to act independently too often. She needs to be brought ___ line a bit.

6. Rosy told her husband that it was not worth laying his job ___ the line by disclosing the truth now.

7. Not all the students in his class could read ___ the lines to sufficiently appreciate the writer’s intention.

8. Could you please stay ___ the line while I check the manager’s appointment diary? Thanks.

9. Newcomer Gopal has little chance of winning because he is lined ___ ___ a veteran politician.

10. By constantly reminding them how much they would benefit by supporting him, the chairman made sure no one stepped ___ ___ line.

11. Now that you’re a member of the staff, your father expects you to fall ___ line like the rest of the employees.

12. Johan felt that the best way to keep peace at home was to take the line ___ least resistance ___ his wife and do whatever she wanted him to do.

13. Kirpal supported his son’s campaign right ___ the line to ensure his victory.

14. Given the spate of crime on the streets, don’t you think the authorities should take a firm line __ the sale of guns to the public?

15. Believe it or not, before she quit, Susan laid it ___ the line that the company would never advance if the employees were not appreciated enough.

16. Rani went from shop to shop looking for a vase that was something ___ the lines ___ the one she accidentally broke.

17. His boss told him that he would surely be ___ line ___ a promotion if he completed the project in time.

18. What do you expect? With an incompetent adviser like that, he was doomed to foul things up somewhere ___ the line.

19. Hassan was taken prisoner while on a reconnaissance mission ___ enemy lines.

20. When the media criticises the government’s policy, the Prime Minister is undoubtedly ___ the firing line.

Answers:

1. line-up – a group of people brought together as a team

2. next in line to – person likely to be or get something

3. in line with – in agreement with something

4. line of defence – position of defence

5. bring somebody/something into line – make somebody/something conform

6. lay something on the line –place at risk

7. read between the lines – find or look for hidden meaning

8. stay on the line – stay connected on the telephone

9. line up against – oppose/compete

10. step out of line – break the rules

11. fall into line – behave/function like the rest

12. take the line of least resistance with someone – choose action that causes least trouble

13. down the line – all the way/completely

14. take a firm line on something – act decisively when dealing with a problem

15. lay it on the line – tell something in an honest and direct way

16. along the lines of – similar to

17. in line for something – likely to receive it

18. somewhere along the line – at some particular stage

19. behind enemy lines – position closest to the enemy

20. in the firing line – in a position to be attacked

English - Open Mondays to Fridays?

I wonder which of these sentences is correct, or apt for notices, with regard to using the plural form to describe the days of the week:

1. We are open 8 hours a day, Mondays to Fridays.

or

2. We are open 8 hours a day, Monday to Friday.

And

1. Open 8 hrs a day: Mon(s)–Fri(s)

or

2. Open 8 hrs a day: Mon–Fri

And

1. He is required to travel from Mondays to Fridays each week.

or

2. He is required to travel from Monday to Friday each week.

– Paul Chan, Kuala Lumpur



A. You can use:

EITHER 1. We are open 8 hours a day, Mondays to Fridays.

OR 2. We are open 8 hours a day, Monday to Friday.

B. It is better to use:

2. Open 8 hrs a day: Mon–Fri

Mon(s)–Fri(s) looks odd to me. “Mon-Fri” is understood to mean from Monday to Friday every week.

C. “He is required to travel from Monday to Friday each week.” is correct, because there is only one Monday and one Friday each week.

Conditional sentences

I AM confused by the following sentences:

Second Conditional (Present unreal situation)

1. If I was not born into this world, what would I be?

2. If the computer were not invented, we would use the typewriter instead.

3. If the typewriter were not invented, we would use the pen instead.

Third Conditional (to show a not-impossible situation)

1. If the computer had not been invented, we would have had to use the typewriter instead.

2. If the typewriter had not been invented, we would have had to use the pen instead.

3. If I had not been born into the world, I would probably have been an angel in heaven.

I would be grateful if you could tell me whether the above sentences have or have not been suitably used based on the contexts and situations.

– yokoegu

In the contexts and situations of your three sentences, you should use the Third Conditional which, in positive sentences, expresses what might have been (but wasn’t).

In negative sentences such as yours, the Third Conditional expresses what might not have been (but was).

In each of these sentences, the conditional clause should use a past perfect negative verb, and the main clause a “would have” + “past participle of main verb”.

The Second Conditional expresses unreal, impossible or unlikely situations, and uses a verb in the simple past tense in the conditional clause and a “would” + “base form of main verb” in the main clause. It doesn’t refer to the past. Here are some examples:

If I had wings, I would fly.

If he was very rich, he would travel all over the world.

The pineapple is a local fruit

1. FOR a shoal of fish, can “The fish is in the water” be accepted? Or is only “The fish are in the water” correct?

2. Can these sentences be accepted?

“The pineapple is local.”

(Instead of “The pineapple is a local fruit.”)

“She waters plants every day.”

(Instead of “She waters the plants every day.”)

– Vanitha, Penang

1. “A shoal of fish” means a large number of fish swimming together. So, although the plural form of “fish” is usually the same as the singular form, when you use “fish” as a plural noun, you need to use a plural verb after it. Hence, only “The fish are in the water” is correct when you are talking about a shoal of fish.

2. a) The adjective “local” usually comes before a noun. So, “The pineapple is local.” sounds rather odd and incomplete. “The pineapple is a local fruit.” sounds better and is more specific.

b) There is a difference in meaning between “She waters plants every day.” and “She waters the plants every day.”

The first sentence does not specify which plants she waters: she could be watering plants in several gardens, for example, as a part-time job. The second sentence refers to specific plants that must have been mentioned in a previous sentence. For instance, we could say: “My mother looks after her garden very well. She waters the plants every day.”

If you want to use “the” without any prior reference to specific plants, the reference can be made in the sentence itself, e.g. “She waters the plants in her garden every day.”

When do we use ‘on top of’?

IN my Year 4 grandson’s first term English Test paper, this was a question posed:

Based on the picture, write one sentence, use both the words.

1. Standing; stool

2. Sister; Piano

The sentence constructed in (1) by the student was:

“He is standing on top of the stool.”

The teacher’s comment when marking the sentence as wrong was:

“Correct construction — He is standing on the stool.”

In the construction of a sentence, is there any criterion related to height to allow the use of “ON TOP OF”?

In (2), the sentence constructed by the student was:

“My sister likes to play piano in the evening.”

The teacher’s comment when marking the sentence as wrong was:

“Correct construction — My sister likes to play the piano in the evening.”

Question: When should the definite article “the” be used?

According to the feedback from the school, the UPSR Exam format apparently requires that the definite article THE be used in front of a musical instrument mentioned in a sentence. I wonder how far that is true.

In conclusion, we believe that in English, there are many TRICKY constructions and exceptions to the rule. Do you agree?

– Yee T.S.

1) There is nothing wrong in writing “He is standing on top of the stool.” It means the same thing as “He is standing on the stool.”

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (2005) gives the meaning of “on top of something/somebody” as “on, over or covering something/somebody”.

The online Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, in giving an example of the use of the noun “top” has the following sentence: “There was a pile of books on top of (= on) the table.”

I also found a UK antique dealer’s site, with a picture of one of the sold items, which is described as:

“A delightful bronze figure of a young girl standing on top of a stool ...”

(http://www.richard gardnerantiques.co.uk/pages/large/large1547.html)

As you can see from the picture, the stool there is not much taller than the stool in the test paper. This goes to show that something need not be of a certain height before we can be said to stand “on top of” it. Even a low stool will do.

Of course, we don’t say we are standing on top of something level, like a carpet as “standing on top of a carpet”, although we can say:

“A thin piece of oil cloth is laid on top of the carpet ...”

(http://my.telegraph.co.uk/jackdaw/blog/2007/09/14/stagecraft_part_3_the_theatrical_tricks)

“On top of” here means “over” as given in the OALD’s second meaning above.

2) In this case, the teacher is right on what should be the correct answer, i.e. “My sister likes to play the piano in the evening.”

We usually put “the” before a musical instrument when talking “about musical instruments in general or about playing musical instruments” (Michael Swan, Practical English Usage, 2005, p.64).

However, the writer goes on to say that “the” is “often dropped when talking about jazz or pop and sometimes ... classical music.” We can see this in two examples given by OALD after the definition of the word “guitar”;

“Do you play the guitar?” and “She plays guitar in a band.”

I agree with you that “in English, there are many TRICKY constructions and exceptions to the rule”. This is true in many other languages as well.

- THE STAR

English - Fun with Synonyms

For each set of three words below, find a rhyme for the second and third words so that you get three words (including the italicised word, which rhymes with the first word) that are synonyms of each other.

Example: dry, keep, lob > cry, weep, sob.

1. ear, thread, night > fear, ____, ____

2. clasp, rant, bluff > gasp, ____, ____

3. dine, titter, listen > shine, ____, ____

4. wrong, thorny, unjust > strong, ___, ____

5. twin, clean, dim > thin, ____, ____

6. beat, assume, suggest > eat, ____, ____

7. nourish, dive, throw > flourish, ____, ____

8. annoy, abolish, graze > destroy, ___, ____

9. stab, hatch, touch > grab, ____, ____

10. decrease, discharge, torment > increase, ____, ____

11. grave, glaring, cold > brave, ____, ____

12. vast, drift, neat > fast, ____, ____

13. recent, copper, vigorous > decent, ____, ____

14. grief, worse, hurt > brief, ____, ____

15. tough, jumpy, Stephen > rough, ____, ____

16. running, draughty, ply > cunning, ____, ____

17. entice, extract, extinct > precise, ____, ____

18. heartbroken, blank, grunt > outspoken, ____, ____

19. royal, blue, instant > loyal, ____, ____

20. inert, jubilant, scary > alert, ____, ____

Answers

1. dread, fright

2. pant, puff

3. glitter, glisten

4. brawny, robust

5. lean, slim

6. consume, ingest

7. thrive, grow

8. demolish, raze

9. snatch, clutch

10. enlarge, augment

11. daring, bold

12. swift, fleet

13. proper, decorous

14. terse, curt

15. bumpy, uneven

16. crafty, sly

17. exact, distinct

18. frank, blunt

19. true, constant

20. vigilant, wary

English - Subject and verb agreement

Look at these little ‘stories’ and see if you can find a mistake in each of them:

The theft

“My wife’s handbag with all her three credit cards, which she needed for her shopping spree, were stolen.”

“Did you report the theft?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Unlike my wife, the thief is not good at spending.”

The subject and verb of a sentence must always be in agreement: if the subject is singular, the verb must be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb must be plural.

The first sentence has a singular subject, “my wife’s handbag”. “All her three credit cards” is merely an additional phrase introduced by the preposition “with” after the subject.

Rewrite the first sentence: “My wife’s handbag with all her three credit cards, which she needed for her shopping spree, was stolen.”

(If we use the coordinating conjunction “and” instead of the preposition “with”, the verb becomes plural: “My wife’s handbag and her three credit cards, which she needed for her shopping spree, were stolen.”)

The singing

“Let’s hurry to the hall. David or his sisters is singing my new song right now.”

“Whenever I hear any of them sing, I always clap my hands — over my ears!”

In a sentence where the subjects are joined by “or” or “nor” and one of the subjects is singular and the other is plural, the number of the verb is determined by the subject nearer to it: David or his sisters are singing my new song right now.

The homework

The teacher asks Tommy, the only one of the pupils who have not done the homework, “What is your excuse?”

“My dog ate my homework,” the boy replies.

“And where is your dog now?”

“My mother took it to the vet’s. It doesn’t like arithmetic any more than I do.”

The first sentence should read: The teacher asks Tommy, the only one of the pupils who has not done the homework, “What is your excuse?”

In the clause “who has not done the homework”, “who” is the subject of the clause, and its antecedent is singular (“the only one”).

English - Getting into phrasal verbs

A phrasal verb is an idiomatic phrase consisting of (i) verb + adverb (break down); (ii) verb + preposition (look into); or (iii) verb + adverb + preposition (put up with).

Look at these two sentences:

She ran into the kitchen. The company ran into some problems.

In the first sentence, “ran into” is not idiomatic – it means “moved quickly into”.

In the second sentence, “ran into” is idiomatic – it means “experienced”. Some phrasal verbs have more than one meaning. In the “stories” below, only the relevant meanings of the phrasal verbs are provided.

The juggler

A juggler is driving to his evening performance when a policeman stops him. “You have so many knives in your car,” says the cop. “What do you intend to do with them?”

“I juggle knives in my act,” says the juggler.

“Really?” says the cop, incredulously. “Juggle them for me then.”

So the juggler starts to toss and juggle the knives.

A passing motorist who witnesses the incident says to himself, “Wow, am I glad I drinking alcohol a week ago. I know the police are just doing their job to crack down on drunk driving, but I’m amazed at this new test they have come up with!”

Give something up: To stop doing something.

Crack down on: To take severe action against.

Come up with: To produce.

The snail

A snail is crossing the road when he is run over by a turtle.

When the snail comes to in the emergency room, he mutters to himself, “I’ve been unlucky for some time.

My wife and I have fallen out with each other, and now I think I’m in a hospital.”

The doctor says, “You’ll be fine. Tell me clearly what happened.”

“I really don’t know,” the snail says. “It all happened so fast.”

Run over: To knock down and ride over.

Come to: To regain consciousness.

Fallen out: To have an argument or quarrel.

The letter

A man confides in a friend: “I’m in big trouble. I received a letter from a fellow who threatened to string me up if I don’t stop sleeping with his wife.”

“Well,” says the friend, “if you don’t want him to do you in, just stop sleeping with his wife.”

“You don’t understand,” says the man ruefully. “He didn’t sign his name.”

String someone up: To kill someone by hanging.

Sleep with: To have sex with.

Do someone in: To kill someone.

English - Language Errors

There are some language errors in the advertisement. Let me comment on them:

1. “Packages includes” should be corrected to “Packages include”. The plural verb “packages” must use a plural verb “include”, not the singular verb “includes”.

2. “Register Now as a Early Birds” should be corrected to “Register Now as an Early Bird”.

3. “Certificated of Attendance” should be corrected to “Certificate of Attendance”. The noun “certificate” is used in the phrase, not the past tense or past participle of the verb “to certificate” which means “to attest by a certificate” (Concise Oxford Dictionary).

4. “11st” and “12nd” are incorrectly written. They should be written as “11th” (eleventh) and “12th” (twelfth) respectively.

Our unique fusion language

When we travel, we meet various kinds of people of different cultures. But we can often recognise a Malaysian quite easily by their Manglish! Who else would say, “Aiyoh! So hot lah! The summer here is worse than Penang’s heat lah!”

That was what I heard as I was sitting in a boat which cut a soft ripple on the flat ebony water that mirrored the dense forest foliage over our heads on a river in Melbourne.

If one hears an utterance which goes like this: “Gostan! Gostan! Wait! You hit the lamp post!”, it probably indicates that a car reversed into a lamp post.

The word “Gostan” should in fact be “Go astern” in proper English, as in the original nautical term.

Manglish is basically English with a unique fusion of words from Malay, Chinese and Indian languages. It shares substantial linguistic similarities with Singaporean English (Singlish), although there are distinctions, particularly in vocabulary.

Speakers of Manglish tend to intersperse varying amounts of expressions and interjections from their mother tongue, which in some cases qualify as a form of code-switching.

Verbs, nouns or adjectives from other languages are often used with English affixes, and sentences may be constructed using English words in the syntax of another language.

People tend to translate phrases directly from their first language into English. For instance, “Turn on the light” often becomes “On the light” or “Open the light”.

Chinese students who are weak at English may say “Open the light”, which is translated directly from Chinese (for example, in Hokkien, khooi hoey).

Another example is the use of the noun “chop” to mean “stamp” (as in, of approval). People often say, “I got the chop for my letter today.” This is caused by the confusion of the Malay word cop.

The word “bahsket” is a Malaysian word coined or derived from “bastard”. It is a phantom word that cannot be found in any dictionary. It generally is a derogatory term used by some Malaysians to express themselves when they feel angry. It is also a term that is expressed just for the sake of fun and if one feels like teasing another friend.

Nowadays, young people do not use this word any more. It belongs to the lexicon of an earlier generation.

Sometime ago, “jinjang” was a popular Malaysian term to describe someone as being out of fashion or old-fashioned. Occasionally, it referred to people who were rude or acted in an uncivilised manner in public. One could say, “The guys over there are so jinjang.”

In fact, Jinjang is a suburban area of Kuala Lumpur.

Here are some examples of Malaysian lingo:

1) A: This food good or not?

B: Boss, I guarantee this makan is good lah.

2) A: Alamak! I forgot to buy the book for the boss. Matilah ... I won’t be promoted. Gone lah, my future in this company is gone.

B: Don’t worry, man! The boss is quite chin chai.

Chin chai means “it is okay, no problem, anything goes”.

Example 2 is an instance of mixing English with other languages. One might call it “campurisation”, from the Malay word campur, which means “mix” and adding the suffix “isation”.

3) A: Let’s makan at the mamak stall.

B: Nah ... I prefer gwailoh chicken chop tonight.

A: Aiyah, pokai already. We eat cheap food like fried rice better.

Some dictionaries acknowledge the word mamak as Indian Muslim male. Gwailoh refers to the Cantonese word for Westerner.

4) A: Why is my baby so naughty one?

B: He no sleep enough law.

5) A: Let’s yam seng tonight. We must booze this brandy.

B: Ya ... don’t be a pondan, drink up.

C: What lah? I’m not pondan ... I will bottoms up two glasses of brandy. No problem, man!

Given the preponderance of Manglish, teaching English can be challenging in Malaysia.

A few years ago, I was teaching at a secondary school in Tanjung Piandang, in the northern part of Perak. It is a pristine fishing village with sun-kissed coconut trees swaying against a blue sky. The fishermen would laze in a Chinese temple every Sunday afternoon or play mahjong.

“Teacher! Teacher!” my students initially called me. I told them they should call me “madam” for it is a deferential term for a married woman. After that, some would call me Miss Tan. “No, I am Mrs Loo,” I pointed out. But they could address me as Madam Tan.

One fine day, this was heard. “Madam! I have to go and throw water!”

“What?” I thought.

“Oh, madam, he means buang air!” chirped another student named Rusdi. Buang air means to pee, in Malay.

I had to explain to my class of students that literal translations of words from Malay to English were not always possible.

On another occasion, a Chinese student named Lee exclaimed to another student, “You don’t twenty-five me lah!”

“Twenty five” is the literal translation of the Hokkien word for “misunderstand”. The student should have said, “Don’t misunderstand me!”

In another incident, Lee said, “Madam, I come late because my car’s tyres have no flowers.”

“Aiyah, madam, that guy means the tyres are bald ... heehee,” explained Rusdi, who had a better command of English.

Special for my mom

This poem is for my mom.The most magnificent person in this world.I didn't write this but my mom loved it,i hope you do to.

Sometimes i know the words to say
Give thanks for all you've done
But then they fly up and away
As quickly as they come

How could i possibly thank you
The one who makes me whole
The one to whom I owe my life
The forming of my soul

The one who tucked me in at night
The one who stopped my crying
The one that was the expert
At picking up when i was lieing

The one who saw me off to school
And spent sad days alone
Yet magically produced a smile
As soon as i came home

The one who makes such sacrifices
To always put me first
Who lets me test my broken wings
In spite of how it hurts

Who paints the world a rainbow
When its filled with broken dreams
Who explains it all so clearly
When nothings what it seems

Are there any questions for this
i find this question tough...
anything i want to say
just doesn't seem enough

What way is there to thank you
For your heart,your sweat,your tears
For ten-thousand things you've done
For oh-so many years

For you never gave up on me
When your wits had reached their end
For always being proud of me
For being my best-friend

Look at me before you
See what i've become
Do you see your self in me
the job that you have done

All your hopes and all your dreams
The strength that no one sees
A transfer over many years
Your best was passed to me

Thank you for all the gifts you give
For everything you do
But thank you,Mommy,most of all
For making dreams come true

Learn English - Spot the synonym

EACH sentence below contains a synonym of the bold word(s), spelt out in consecutive letters. Can you spot it? Example: The couple continued their walk along the path in silence after he commented that she was not as slim as she used to be.

1. “Let me show you some super mittens,” said the friendly salesgirl.

2. Chess is his strong point: he has been playing this board game for ten years.

3. Under a cloudless sky, the little boy rode his bicycle around the park.

4. The two young men rolled up their umbrellas and entered the clerk’s office to register as students for the new academic year.

5. Hearing a knock on the door, the boss, who was looking at a picture of seven terriers, said, “Come in.”

6. The cab ended in the ravine because the driver failed to negotiate the curve in the road.

7. The strange healer placed some glowing ashes on his patient’s deep cut.

8. The well-known writer was shocked when his editor said to him, “Owing to poor health, I cannot edit your scripts any more.”

9. “If you intend to reach the summit of Mount Everest, you need to prepare yourself physically and mentally.”

10. These two new movies feature a famous sports personality, who believes his success in the film industry is just around the corner.

11. She is worried that her unassuming aunt is so emaciated.

12. “Why did you incur the wrath of your boss by giving him rudely brief replies?”

13. His remarkable ability to tell ingenious jokes has had a significant effect on his relationship with his colleagues, who see him as an affable person.

14. As the smell of the gas pervaded the house, the occupants started to pant violently.

15. She greeted the distinguished visitors at the door and ushered them in enthusiastically.


Answers

1.permit 2.forte 3.clear 4.enrol 5.enter 6.bend 7.gash 8.noted 9.top 10.star 11.gaunt 12.curt 13.telling 14.gasp 15.eminent

Video - Learn Mandarin (Chinese Language)

Money, money, money ...

MONEY, money, money; always sunny in the rich man’s world”.

When Swedish pop group ABBA penned those immortal lyrics, I wouldn’t imagine that they dreamt that the 21st century’s global economy would ever resemble the minefield of misery as we now find it.

Even for the rich, there is a storm brewing over the horizon, and sunny days may be a thing of the past for a long time to come. Fluctuations in the stock market may be positive one day and negative the next. Yet the general wave of uncertainty will probably cause a widespread hesitation to either spend or borrow money, and may also plunge many countries into recession.

Perhaps ABBA also didn’t dare to dream that there would be quite so many greedy bankers and insurance company parasites as there are today – all influenced, of course, by the policies and inept administration of the most incompetent US president in history, George W. Bush.

So where does the English language fit into all this mess?

Well, English is the language of global commerce, business, banking and finance. Stock market traders generally converse in English, although various forms of non-verbal communication are also at their disposal. Not all of which are polite.

Therefore, as we are experiencing a global economic crisis, perhaps we should take a quick look at a short lexicon of money.

Affluent: rich, wealthy, prosperous.

Assets: collateral, or something of value, which can be sold to repay debts, such as a house or an expensive artwork or jewellery.

Bankrupt: to be insolvent, not having enough money to pay back debts, and having credit options withdrawn and cancelled for a set period of time.

Barter system: a method of paying for goods or services by exchanging your own goods or services for such. Start learning a trade, skill, or how to make something people need. Should we ever reach the day when all money is worthless, the barter system will help to put food on your table.

Billionaire: a person who has more than a billion pounds or dollars, etc. The richest man in the world is 77-year-old American businessman Warren Buffett. He is worth £32bil. Closely followed by Bill Gates, who has £30bil.

Capital: a large sum of money usually earmarked for a business investment, or for making large purchases such as buying a house.

Commodity: a raw material or a product which can be purchased or sold. Crude oil, gold, rice and flour are some of the most important commodities. In the future, water may be even more desirable.

Debt: that which one owes.

Devaluation: a reduction and depreciation of a currency’s value.

Down at heel: an expression referring to a person who is going through a period of hardship and who can’t even afford new shoes. Hence the worn-down heels of his old ones.

Economy: the delicate balance of a country’s supply of money, means of production, and the demand for tradable goods.

Equity: after all debts are settled and all payments made, equity is the remaining value of a property or shares.

Fiat currency: money which is manufactured at the request of a financial authority or government, without the immediate backing of a valuable commodity which it represents. A contemporary example of fiat money can be found in Zimbabwe, where new print runs of the country’s almost worthless currency keep being authorised to match hyperinflation.

Gold standard: when the value of a currency is fixed to the weight and purity of fine gold bullion (bars, ingots and coins in bulk). An old system which many countries may now reinstate due to the current global economic crisis. The downfall of the American dollar, should it occur, could be traced back to 1971 when President Nixon abandoned US ties to the gold standard.

Hyperinflation: when inflation is spiralling out of control, such as in Zimbabwe, under the Mugabe regime.

Interest: the additional money you pay back when you borrow a certain sum from a bank, building society or credit card company. People often struggle to meet extortionate interest payments each month, and borrowers find that, due to high interest rates, they often pay back many times the amount of money they initially borrowed.

Inflation: when the cost of goods and services increases and the value of a currency decreases. This is most often caused by an overissuing of money by a central bank, thus devaluing it.

Invest: when one buys property, commodities or shares in a company, with the aim of making a healthy profit. Occasionally, investments are made for philanthropic reasons, without profit. A rich man may act as the financial patron or sponsor of a charity, sports club, school or community centre, for which he feels some compassion.

Led by Britain, France and the US, the world’s governments seem to be doing their best to remedy the dire situation of banks and businesses toppling like dominoes. But of course there will be a knock-on effect soon to come, and there will be no hiding place from the shock wave.

Whilst the actual banking crisis may be over, how it all affected “Main Street” has still to be seen. Public spending, tourism, foreign investment and the housing market will all be touched by the growing hand of doom.

As we began this money lexicon with Swedish pop idols, let’s now follow the advice of English rock giants Pink Floyd:

“Money, it’s a gas, grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.”

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

3. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

4. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

5. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

6. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

7. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

8. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

9. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

10. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

11. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

12. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

13. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

14. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

15. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

16. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

17. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

18. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

19. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

20. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

21. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

22. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

23. Father : A banker provided by nature.

24. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

25. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

26. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

27. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

28. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails... ...

To Realize

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet..

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
Live life to the fullest..

If I were to pass away

If I leave this earth and pass away
Grieve not over my departure and do pray
For life in this earth is only a temporary stay
For my time is up and my soul is called away.

Weep not too loudly when I'm deceased
Cry not too much if I'm dismissed
But pray for my safety so at least
I will not be in fear in the 'land of mist'

In the grave,I will be all alone
With my deeds which I have to atone
There isn't communication outside and no phone
I could either smile and relaxe or moan and groan

Just make a du'aa and say Al-Fatehah for me
To make it more bearable on my distant journey
Forgive my sins and make halal my debt if I have any
because my soul has departed from earth for eternity.

Don't be too grieved if I or anyone else dies
It's all Allah's Plan for He is All Wise
The separation is temporary and it may even be nice
With Allah's Grace, we may meet again, in Paradise.
InsyaAllah.

My Wish For You

I hope the days come easy
and the moments pass slow
and each road leds you where you want to go
and if you faced with the choice and you have to choose

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
and if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walking until you find the window
If it cold outside show the warmth of your smile
but more than anything..more than anything

My wish for you is that
this life becomes all that you want it to
your dream stay big, your worries stay small
you never need to carry more than you can hold
and while your out these getting, where you getting to
i hope you know that somebody loves you
and want the same things too
yeah..this is my wish

I hope you never look back
but you never forget
all the ones who love you and place you left

I hope you always forgive and never regret
and you help somebody every chance you get
you find Gods grace in every mistake
and always give more than you take
but more than anything..
more than anything