Dating Advice: 5 Traits That Bag a Boyfriend

Here are the qualities that make you more desirable to guys. Think of it as your pre-dating to-do list.

1. You're just that into yourself. A woman may have smarts, sensual appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn't have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass. Single women with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find a guy who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long he's probably going to start to agree with all the demeaning stuff you say about yourself and take a hike.

Surprisingly, the way to show you aren't that girl isn't necessarily to promote yourself, but rather to simply display interest and curiosity in the guy, says Houran. He'll take that willingness to share the spotlight and put someone besides yourself first as a sign of confidence.

2. You've got a burning passion... and not just for him. Whether it's a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, single men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. It's as easy as dropping a few subtle hints about, say, the adventure you and your friends went on last weekend or how psyched you are to be on a new project at work. The benefits are twofold: The guy won't feel totally responsible for your happiness -- a huge weight to put on a new love interest -- and he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life.

3. You know how to compromise. This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran.
Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If a guy senses that the girl he's dating isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums -- not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he needs to reschedule plans.

4. You dress for guys, not girls. If you're not turning heads, it could be because you dress to appeal to a woman's taste and not a man's taste. Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops -- all super cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with boot-cut jeans and a top that shows off your shoulders and waist. Just don't reveal too much, since that can come off as desperate.

5. You're over your ex. Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. So before you get serious with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping -- or worse, trying -- to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No eligible bachelor wants to feel like he's in an unwinnable competition, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys. So ladies, move on and get an upgrade.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Stupidity in numbers

By A.ASOHAN

Individuals may be idealistic, smart and articulate – until they join a group.

The late grandmaster Isaac Asimov bequeathed two great legacies to the world of science fiction: His three laws of robotics, and his fictional take on the science of “psychohistory”.

In the mundane world, psychohistory is the study of historical events using psychological motivation as its lens. In Asimov’s version, it is a predictive science that uses a combination of psychology and sociology, with a mathematical underpinning using the laws of statistics.

In simpler terms, Asimov posited that you could predict what was going to happen to a society using mathematical formulae. In his Foundation series, the psychohistory pioneer Hari Seldon, with his calculations and foresight, guided the fate and future of an entire galactic civilisation through a few millennia using this tool.

Asimov used gas and the kinetic theory of physics as an analogy – it’s extremely difficult to predict the movement, actions and reactions of a single molecule of gas, yet we can analyse the entirety with a high degree of accuracy.

Sociology, psychohistory – all sciences devoted to studying groups – are all predicated on the belief that while individuals are impossible to pin down, they’re very shallow and easily manipulated when you put enough of them together.

That single devotee of any religion may strive to be forgiving, caring and compassionate. A group of them, however, sees nothing wrong in killing non-believers despite their religion’s teachings to the contrary. Adherents of the faith may be tolerant and accepting; institutions are rarely so. Devotees can find strength in themselves and in their divinity; organisations are usually scared and insecure.

Individual Thais are among the gentlest, warmest, and most gracious people you could ever meet; groups of them were throwing petrol bombs at each other in the capital of Bangkok earlier this week.

While some may truly understand the issues involved – their right to their own government, among others – the rest are just being manoeuvred by media-savvy politicians who know which buttons to push.

Most individual Americans I’ve met have high ethical standards, yet as a society they re-elected a president whose administration saw nothing wrong in invading another land under false pretences, or torturing civilian suspects by just labelling them enemy combatants, or trampling upon civic liberties – in fact, in destroying just about everything the United States stands for.

I have no doubt that many who took part in the illegal assembly organised by the outlawed Hindu Rights Action Force in November of 2007 were genuinely concerned about the marginalisation of an entire cross-section of Malaysian society, and how their plight has been neglected for so many decades.

Yet, going by many photographs on the Internet, some held placards of Mahatma Gandhi in one hand while pelting coppers with stones with the other.

Again, individuals may have been cognisant of the Mahatma’s non-violent non-cooperation model of civil disobedience in India’s struggle for independence, but too many in that group just saw an icon that could be manipulated for emotive oomph.

What an injustice to a great leader. Sure, we can’t expect everyone to have read the dozens of biographies on the Mahatma, but perhaps a required screening of Richard Attenborough’s 1982 multiple award-winning Gandhi may have been in order. Who could not be moved by the scene of the salt march, when demonstrators lined up to be savagely beaten by British troops, all without lifting a single finger in retaliation?

In the movie, the American journalist Walker (Martin Sheen) calls in his story over the telephone, his voice taut and broken with emotion: “They walked, with heads up, without music, or cheering, or any hope of escape from injury or death.

“It went on and on and on. Women carried the wounded bodies from the ditch until they dropped from exhaustion. But still it went on.

“Whatever moral ascendance the West held was lost today. India is free ... for she has taken all that steel and cruelty can give, and she has neither cringed nor retreated.”

Then we come to our local politicians (you knew we would come to this sooner or later, didn’t you?). How many times have we seen a young, charismatic and idealistic young person full of promise join a political party and suddenly become – there’s no other word for it – stupid?

Sure, I know all about playing to the gallery and toeing the party line. I accept none of it as an excuse.

Man is a social animal, true. We need our families, clans, tribes, communities, societies, condominium management committees, and autonomous collectives (despite the violence inherent in the system, as those chaps in Monty Python would tell you).

One’s a person, two’s company, three’s a crowd, four has a certain symmetry, and anything above is a mob. And as the Greek philosopher Diogenes said, the mob is the mother of tyrants.

He was being kind. John Dryden, the 17th century English poet and playwright, said it even better: “A mob is the scum that rises upmost when the nation boils.”

So what can I say? Being in a group is nice, but maintain your individuality. After all, it is what makes you, well, you.

- THE STAR

8 Steps to Problem Solving

By BRIAN TRACY

There is a simple eight step method for systematic problem solving. By solving problems in an orderly way, you can dramatically increase the power of your thinking.

Proceed With A Positive Attitude
First, approach the problem with the expectant attitude that there is a logical practical solution just waiting to be found. Be relaxed, calm, confident and clear in your mind.

Second, change your language from negative to positive. Instead of the word "problem," use the word "situation." Problem is a negative word while situation is a neutral word. "We have an interesting situation", is better than, "We have a problem."

Define the Situation Clearly
The third step in systematic problem-solving is to define the situation clearly, in writing. "Exactly what is the situation?" Then ask, "What else is the situation?" Sometimes stating the problem in different words makes it much easier to solve.

Once, when I was working with the Chamber of Commerce, I came to the attention of a senior executive who hired me away from the company I was working for a year later at triple the salary. Meeting people is very important. Network at every opportunity.

Fully 50% of situations can be resolved by accurate definition.

Identify Causes and Solutions
Step number four is to, ask "What are all the possible causes of this situation?" Failure to identify the causes or reasons for the situation often causes you to have to solve it again and again. Fully 25% or more of situations can be effectively dealt with by discovering the correct causes.

Step number five is to ask, "What are all the possible solutions?" Write out as many solutions or answers to the situation as possible before moving on. The quantity of possible solutions usually determines the quality of the solution chosen.

Clear Decisions Are Key
Step number six is to "Make a clear decision." Usually any decision is better than none.

Step number seven is to "Assign clear responsibility for carrying out the decision and then set a deadline for completion and review." Remember, a decision without a deadline is just a fruitless discussion.

Finally, step number eight is to follow-up, monitor the decision, compare actual results with expected results and then generate new solutions and new courses of action.

Action Exercises
Now, here are two ways you can apply this technique to think more creatively.

First, state the problem clearly, in writing, so that you know exactly what it is that you are trying to solve. Ask, "What else is the problem?"

Second, develop as many solutions as you possibly can, including doing nothing, before you make a decision. Quality of ideas is in direct proportion to the quantity that you generate.

When love hurts

By DR NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR

The problem of painful sexual intercourse should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Every now and then, a patient will walk into my clinic with a “difficult” issue. At first, she will be quite reluctant to talk about it, but as I probe further, she will eventually reveal that she has been experiencing problems with her spouse due to painful sexual intercourse.

Pain during intercourse is also known as dyspareunia. For many women, it is not easy to talk openly about this problem as sex is not often discussed publicly in our culture. Not only is it a very personal issue, it also relates to a woman’s self-esteem and confidence in her relationship with her partner.

However, pain during intercourse should not be swept under the carpet, as the physical pain will not go away and it will lead to emotional and relationship problems further down the road.

Don’t lie back and accept it

The first step to addressing the problem is accepting that the problem exists. Painful sex is a complex issue and isn’t the same for everyone.

Some women may experience some discomfort occasionally, while others experience pain, or what they classify as pain. Some women feel pain during penetration, but others may even experience pain with sexual touching.

Painful intercourse is not a straightforward condition with black-and-white causes and symptoms. Therefore, to address it, you have to be open with yourself, your partner and your doctor, in order to figure out what causes it and how to overcome it.

Ask yourself: When did sex start to hurt (has it always hurt)? When does the pain begin (is it as you’re getting excited, only during penetration, related to orgasm)? Where do you feel the pain (is it in one specific area, or more general)? Are there still things you can do sexually that don’t cause pain?

Your doctor will be able to help you think about the possible physical or psychological causes of painful sex.

Physical causes of painful sex

The most common physical cause of painful intercourse is vaginal dryness, caused by lack of lubrication. There are all sorts of reasons why women experience vaginal dryness, but using a personal lubricant can be an easy and effective way to treat this problem and eliminate a major cause of painful sex.

It also helps to relax during intercourse and increase the amount of foreplay.

There are also a myriad of conditions that can result in painful intercourse:

·Vaginismus – This is a common condition where the vaginal muscles spasm, and it is mainly caused by the fear of being hurt.

·Vaginal infections – Infections like a yeast infection can cause soreness and discomfort during intercourse.

·Problems with the cervix – Any condition or infection affecting the cervix can cause pain during deep penetration (where the penis reaches the cervix).

·Problems with the uterus and ovaries – If there are fibroids or cysts in the uterus or ovaries, pain can arise during deep penetration.

·Endometriosis – This is a painful condition in which the endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) grows outside the uterus.

·Pelvic Inflammatory Disease – In PID, the tissues deep inside become severely inflamed and the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain.

·Ectopic pregnancy – This is a pregnancy where a fertilised egg develops outside of the uterus.

·Menopause – Older women experience vaginal dryness because the vaginal lining can lose its normal moisture when menopause sets in.

·Intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth – Surgery or childbirth causes trauma to a woman’s body, so she needs time to heal before resuming intercourse again.

·Sexually transmitted diseases – STDs can include genital warts, herpes sores or other infections that cause vaginal pain and soreness.

·Injury to the vulva or vagina – These injuries may include a tear from childbirth or from a cut (episiotomy) in the perenium (area of skin between the vagina and the anus) that is made during labour.

Psychological causes of painful sex

Some causes of painful intercourse are psychological, although this does not mean that you are crazy or that it isn’t real.

Some women (and men) have only had coercive or violent sexual experiences. When your sexual experiences have never been consensual or pleasurable, it isn’t surprising that your body doesn’t learn to enjoy sex (even if you are with a partner whom you like or love).

Part of this is due to the way your mind anticipates pain. If you experienced pain during sex previously (whether due to assault, a physical condition or a wrong position), you will begin to anticipate pain the next time you have sex.

First, you will probably be less tuned into what’s going on in your body, and you may find your arousal is lowered, along with less lubrication.

Anticipation can also make the pain feel more intense because your body may be tense, and this results in more pain.

Overcoming this psychological block requires support and therapy so that you will learn to experience a positive sex life again.

Another psychological factor that leads to painful intercourse is lack of interest in sex. There are times when each of us are not in the mood to have sex, even though our partners are. For women, this can result in painful sex because of low arousal and lack of vaginal lubrication.

Can sex ever be good again?

The most important thing to know is that sex doesn’t have to hurt. Just because you have had painful sexual experiences before, it does not mean that it always has to be this way. Some physical conditions require simple interventions, such as the use of water-based lubricants or prescription medications. Some conditions may require sexual therapy, especially if abuse is involved.

Most importantly, communicate with your partner. It can be difficult to talk about sex, especially when it’s not going well, even for couples who have been together for years. However, ignoring it can sometimes make things worse as it leads to emotional problems and compounds the tension.

Be honest, patient and creative – you will find a way to enjoy sex again without the pain. And being open about your sexual relationship will eventually lead to a better sex life.

- THE STAR

Special occasions on birthday

Here are some interesting birthday activities that can create lasting memories:

Picnics: Picnics outdoors are wonderful for young and active children. Take your friends and relatives to the park for an exploratory walk. You can prepare fact cards for children to use as reference as they check out the floral and fauna.

Painting a plate: You can get your child to paint a plate, bowl or mug on his birthday.

This piece of crockery can be used during family meals. You can talk to your child about what he would like to remember of this birthday in years to come. This practice is extended to all members of the family. Even Dad and Mum can paint their own plate when it is their birthday.

Imagine having a family meal with your grown-up children and their children using birthday crockery which holds loving memories.

Family speeches: I still have fond memories of my father’s family meetings whenever he came home from long working trips. Those were the times when we voiced our grouses, shared our achievements and sought support from our parents. From the youngest to the oldest, we were given an opportunity to express our opinions.

Birthdays are special times when the whole family can share their feelings and thoughts. Have everyone make a positive speech to the birthday boy or girl. Share what you like best about him or her and your favourite memory. This practice can boost your children’s confidence and generate love among family members.

Sharing presents: Children often get too many presents for their birthdays. They can learn to share their presents with those who are not as fortunate as them.

Discuss with your child what he would like to do with his many presents. Family traditions are formed when certain activities and beliefs are continued. You may not realise that you have some family traditions as you carry out the same activity with every birthday. Children like traditions, the good ones only. They can generate a sense of belonging and continuity.

Sleepovers: Having friends over for a sleepover can be fun for children.

Slumber parties should be simple with one or two activities that the guests can do and take away as souvenirs. You can plan a cooking activity or a football game. For primary schoolchildren, sleepovers are a great time to catch up with friends.

Children in schools do not get much time to chat. With a heavy homework load and extracurricular activities, there is hardly any time for children to hang out.

Birthday book/video: Every child should have his or her special scrapbook/journal/photo album. Children enjoy browsing through a collection of anecdotes and holiday photos. This special book will make a delightful present for the birthday child.

If you have a handycam, you can document your child’s daily activities along with interviews of people he loves sharing their birthday wishes. When parents work at keeping positive family rituals and activities, they lay a foundation for their children to be rooted in goodness and faith. There’s more to life than just academic achievements and material comfort.

Time spent with children will help them gain confidence. They will develop into individuals who will be able to contribute to society.

- THE STAR

10 thing guys hate about girls

1 - Stop asking us to call you every damm day. We have a life too. It doesn't ONLY revolve around you.

In other words, give us some space. This doen't apply if you're clad in skimpy lingerie.


2 - Stop taking hours to get ready for a date. It's no fun waiting like an idiot

Just wear the FIRST OUTFIT you choose. We don't care! It's going to come off sooner or leter.

3 - Leave the smoking to us. I't a gay thing.

Don't ask us why. Most of us prefer girls who don't light up.

4 - Playing us out is jmust plain mean. We don't enjoy paying for every dammthing if you're no interested.

We have feelings too. If you're not ibterested, just say it!!

5 - Not every meal has to be in classy, posh places. Cut us some slack. We don't print money.

Most ot us students can't afford taking you on fine-dining every day of the week. One or twice a month is ok. So stop being harsh on us.

6 - When you make us go from shop to shop 4 hours and end up baying theshirt from the FIRST shop, we hate it.

We understand what you want good bargains. Think of our feeling andabused FEET. Imagine if we took you DOTA-ing for 5 hours stainght. (Now you feel us?)

7 - PMS is no excuse to be mean.

Screaming at us and freaking out on us just isn't right. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. We can only do so much.

8 -Talking about your "big" butt is so boring.

Guys hate to listen to a girl's insecurities about her body. Put it this way,we find the National Geographic channel more interesting.

9 -Show some skin. There's nothing wrong with looking hot. Being plain is so last season.

I't not flattering being drab and you can't blame us for checking out other hotter chicks.

10 -There's nothing wrong with girls making the first move. Heck, we find itflattering.

If you like us, make a move. It shows how confident you are and howkeen you are on us. We like that.

Who Is 'The Someone' Who Loves You?

1. Someone who sees the best in you.

If you were lucky enough to grow up with healthy parents, you have experienced the feeling of having someone who has always looked at your good qualities. Many of us missed that experience. You will be a lucky person if you have found a mate who is always looking at your 'silver lining'. Too often today people are more than willing to judge you by your errors, not by your potential.

2. Someone who gives you the benefit of the doubt.

There are so many times in your life when you need that little edge, that little opportunity to take just that extra step. It can seem as if your efforts are going nowhere and although you want to keep moving forward, there are so many negatives staring you in the face. That person who knows things could go either way for you but takes that leap to believe you will make it is the person who is more valuable to you than gold.

3. Someone who watches over you.

You need a guardian angel who is there, waiting to catch you if you fall, ready to help you when you stumble, ready to pave the way for you when you cannot get moving. There are people who love you who do just that. There are people who do not make a big deal out of saving your bacon. Do you know who they are?

4. Someone to watch you back.

You never know these days who is waiting to catch you off guard, to make sure you don't do well, to sabotage your efforts. You like to think that people will rejoice when you do well. Many don't. If someone 'has your back' and runs interference for you when you are trying to run the gauntlet through life, give that person a big 'thanks' plus lots of your attention.

5. The person who tells you we all make mistakes.

You hate to be around that judgmental, harsh person who reminds you, 'I told you so', when things go south. You don't need anyone else telling you what you already know. On the other hand there are people who just let you know that the only way any of us learn is through experience. When you have really ended up in the dumper and blew it, stay close to the one who knows that the person who hasn't done anything wrong hasn't done anything much.

6. The person who gives you advice from the heart, not from the head.

When the situation gets rough and some big decisions need to be made, it's fine to have people outline the pros and cons of a problem and give you 'head' answers. But if you need a nudge sometimes to tip the scales, you always listen to this person who knows you must do what will let you live with yourself and have self respect.

7. The person who won't be the 'yes man' who agrees with you

No one who loves you is going to give you the green light and tell you to let er rip if it's clearly going to be bad for you. It's sad that often you surround yourself with people who tell you what you want to hear. The one who loves you will tell you to get help for a drinking or drugging problem, to stop the extramarital affair, and to be a good and decent person.

8. Someone who tells you to knock back, smell the roses, and enjoy life part of the time.

If you are a person who is a real performer and doer, there are likely to be people around you who enjoy the fruits of your labor and want you to do even more. Sometimes you may even see yourself as only valuable when you are giving, doing, and performing. Listen to the person who tells you that life is short and you need breaks and some R&R. That is the person who is looking out for you and your health.

9. The one who smiles at you and means it.

The person who loves you looks at you with eyes that smile and mean it. Too many people give you that slick smile, that quick pat on the back, and then forget that you even exist.

The eyes are the windows of our soul and you can read into a person's smile if it is saying, 'You are a fine person and I want to be with you as long as possible'. Don't fall for any phony smile that attracts you off in another direction, only to leave you stranded and alone.

10. Someone who sees you as beautiful, inside and out.

You know you aren't perfect. There are only too many examples of you looking around and thinking that you have flaws and aren't like the people on television. The person who loves you sees you through eyes of acceptance with no conditions. As you gain a few pounds and your hair gets thin, the person who sees you as attractive, inviting, and appealing is the person who loves you all the way, no strings or demands.

Nowadays, it's really important to know who loves you. Everything in our society is throw away, and many people have carried that over into the most important relationships in their lives. Think hard and look carefully. People who love you, like comfortable clothes, are easy on the heart, mind, and soul.

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take the annual test.

Below is a way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. (use it or lose it?)

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else.

Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water.

If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.

Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.

However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land'?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.

If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!